Friday, July 30, 2010

Lazy or Smart?


You know you're smart when:

You hire your oldest child to be your nanny!

You let each child have a night to cook.

You let each child do their own laundry.

You let each child clean the kitchen for a week on a rotating basis.

You move into a condo!

This summer has been NIIICCCEEE! and I am not LAZY!!!

You know you're in trouble when:

You get your haircut and nobody notices and then you have to point out that, yes, indeed you did get your hair cut, and then you ask if they like it, and someone who will remain anonymous says, "you didn't cut all the damaged parts out," and then you just start to cry.

You spend all summer reading the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" books and you have to stop yourself from saying someone's first name, then insert curse word starting with F, then the person's last name every time you greet someone. (Very socially unacceptable behavior.)

You can't walk out to your car after a workout without hobbling.

You are exercising by climbing stairs at the local high school football field and a man, who looks to be 70, runs past you.

You moved three months ago and only 1/2 of the boxes are unpacked. Then your daughter asks you where the Hunger Games is and you point to a storage room full of 30 boxes of unpacked books.

You want to see a movie every night instead of unpacking. If you're not seeing a movie then have to battle very large urge to drive away--very far away.

Registering for Junior and Senior high costs more than registering your car!

You have to take a nap every day at three.

Your ten year old stays up later than you.

It's only the end of July and your daughter is leaving in a week to go back to school and the other one is not far behind.

I know I say this often--but how does time move so fast.


Thursday, July 8, 2010

How we adopted out our murderous cat to our next door neighbor and acted like we were doing her a favor. . .

I promise this is my last animal blog for a long time!

As I mentioned a couple of months ago--we moved! We moved into a condominium which meant that we couldn't take all of  our pets. We could take one and only one. I don't know how it happened but as of last January we had 5 pets. Smoky of course (may he rest in peace), two more cats (we call them soft cats because they have fur as oppossed to Smoky) and two Basset Hounds.

We all know what happened to Smoky (sign), but I am sure you are wondering what happened to the rest, but first I must tell you how we developed into a petting zoo.

 In 2001 we had no pets, but after 9-11 we were sad and for some reason that equated to wanting a dog. We did some research--we knew we weren't Labrador Retriver people (we had one before and he had much more energy than all of us combined). We wanted a peaceful dog that wanted to just sit around and be petted. For some reason we thought that meant Bassett Hounds.

                                                                   Windsor relaxing

We brought Windsor home--named after the British Royal  Family who she really resembled--and realized Basset Hounds had a few other traits. First of all they have an incredible sense of smell and love to follow it wherever it takes them. They are not particularly mellow--in fact unless they get overweight they have lots and lots and lots and lots of energy. They will do anything for food, like; figure out ways to climb garbage cans in a single bound, climb onto kitchen counters, eat diapers (not sure it's food, but they seem to think so). They are a little stubborn and difficult to train. They also shed--which I can handle, but they have really oily fur and let's just say they are odiferous!! After we purchased I did more research and one of the articles rated the breeds for intelligence from 1-100, with one being the most intelligent. Basset Hounds were rated 97th!  A year or two later we adopt a friend's Basset because they couldn't keep her anymore.

Since I am the primary care-giver (kennel cleaner, pooper scooper, dog walker, dog washer) It's been a love/not so much love relationship. But I have to say they are very sweet! I'm sad to say we didn't turn out to be the best dog owners. The week we moved we used an agency that just places Basset Hounds and the dogs seemed incredibly happy there. My son and I cried for a  week though.

Now for the murderous cat--

We moved to Holladay during a year with a rat infestation so my husband decides we should get a cat. He left one day and came home with not one but two of the most beautiful cats ever. We name the grey and white haired one Rogue and the black and white one Storm (geeky mutant fans that we are).  We kept them inside for the next few months to acclimate and then we let them out and we find out that Rogue is a bona-fide killer!  He brings home rats, mice, robins, an occasional squirrel--usually decapitated, yes, decapitated and often eviscerated. This beautiful cat was the ultimate preditor and skilled killer.         

                                                                                                                    Rogue looking murderous
             
One day the Rogue disappears. We canvas the neighborhood. Put out flyers and then I send my son door to door with his sad eyes to try and find our cat. He goes next door and with tears in her eyes asks if they have seen our cat. Our lovely neighbor looks at him and says, oh yea, I didn't know this was your cat! She had him in her home for a whole week! She sadly turned him over.  Interestingly enough over the next two years the cat was kidnapped by her several more times--we just learned to go there first. Her response every time was "he just seems so happy here"--locked in her house with the yummy food only cat spoilers buy!

Then we have to move and we have the brilliant idea--let's give her our murderous cat. He will be well fed and happy, although he may never see the outside again. She looked at us like we were the kindest people ever. Her husband brought over a pound of delicious chocolates. It made me feel guilty to have deprived her of Rogue for so long.

We now have one cat, Storm. He is shy and polite--the perfect condo pet.