Week 1 Diet 1--Atkins: Pros v. Cons

It's been a good first week. I've been able to stem any cheatin' urges. I'm counting my carbs and loading up on protein. The headaches are gone taking fuzzy brain along with them.

I thought I'd present the first week to you in a list, I am so very fond of lists, especially the pro/con variety. Lets starts with the pros of Atkins!

Pros

1. I've lost 7 count them 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 pounds. 7 glorious pounds.

2. My face is not puffy!

3. My ankles do not hurt when I wake up and take my first steps. (This corresponds highly to sugar intake--why would eating sugar hurt my feet? I don't know it's a mystery). For that matter my feet don't hurt either.

4. I have energy!

5. My mind is clear. (After the first few days)

6. My clothes fit like a dream

7. The menu is uncomplicated and easy to prepare (see below it falls into a con also). It's so simple I find myself not thinking about food--shocking!

8. I outlasted my husband--he lasted 6 days.

9. Only one more week of the "induction" phase.

Cons

1. I have bad breath. I asked my husband about it and he didn't say it was bad, he just said it was different. I think that's nice--isn't it?

2. The lack of variety. I mean, you know I love bacon, but there has to be more than salads and meat.

3. I'm looking longingly at watermelon, cookies and my sister "E's" bread sticks.

Only three cons, I'm actually surprised by that fact. I think I can make it!

Dreaming of Bacon

Four days into the Atkins Diet and I just have to say one thing. Bacon=Yum! As I usually try to eat a low fat diet I can’t remember when I last ate bacon and I’m sure it’s been about ten years since I ate guilt-free bacon. Bacon is good. Bacon, bacon, bacon! Yum, yum yum! Sorry, I know I’m not thinking clearly, (a side-effect I’ve found is common when in the induction phase of Atkins) but bacon is fab!

Let me explain the induction phase of Atkins. You have to stick to 20 grams of carbohydrates a day. That is low. In fact sugar free vitamin water still has 5-10 gram of carbohydrate—even though when I read the ingredients there was hardly anything in it. Each Werther’s Original Sugar free candy has about 3 grams of carbs in it! So, the diet the first two weeks is limited to meat/protein, fat, some cheese and what they call salad vegetables. You can have other veggies, but one raw tomato has 4.3 grams of carbs. You may have salad dressing too, but watch out for sugar content, because a lot of salad dressings have hidden sugar in them—gasp.

The diet also says to limit caffeine because it can cause “symptoms of hypoglycemia.” I just want to make one thing clear; I am not giving up Diet Coke.

The first two weeks has few choices but the delight of eating bacon seems to outweigh the limitations at the moment. It even outweighs certain uncomfortable side-effects I am currently enduring. Like the fuzzy brain I mentioned. I also need to take fiber tablets but I won’t burden you with more information there. Last, but certainly not least, I have a headache. Not a terrible one, but it is persistent over the last two days, from temple to temple. Also, yesterday I came home from family dinner at about 2:00pm and slept 3 hours and then still slept a normal night’s sleep. Is it just me or was that weird?

There are other side-effects that are not so bad. My ankles did not hurt this morning when I first walked on them. I put on my favorite Sunday skirt yesterday and for the first time ever it was not tight around my waist--no straining the seams there! I weighed myself this morning and after 4 days I’ve lost 6 pounds. Whoa, Nelly! That was a surprise. I know it’s just water, but who cares—my skirt fit!

My Will as a Gardener

It's been a month since I last blogged. That's the longest I've gone since the beginning. As an excuse my world has spun a little out of control. In fact all heck broke loose! I’m just saying that it has been taken control of by “aliens” from planet “Decision of Yesteryear.” Let’s call them “Miscalculationtoids.” So I am forced into trying to focus on the few small things that I actually do have some influence over.

Like cleaning the garage, I now have the most beautifully clean garage on the face of the earth. It is organized and I actually know what is in there.

I cleaned and organized my family room. I threw away two large garbage cans worth of junk from both the family room and the garage. I tried to get rid of our video tapes, but I was soundly defeated by my husband and children on that front.

I made the living and the dining room perfect. I filled nail holes and chips in the paint. I even cleaned the shutters.

Now I’ve turned to my New Year’s Resolutions. I’m restless so I don’t want to start again with the ones I blogged about in January. I want to have fun with it again. I’m still better off than I started. I’m down about 15 pounds and I am in much better shape—but I’m stymied. So last week when I was at the Utah Shakespearean Festival I saw this wonderful quote:

“Tis in ourselves that we are thus or thus. Our bodies are our gardens,to the which our wills are gardeners.” Othello, I(3)322

I have a will—and where there’s a will there’s a way. So I have a new dastardly plan! I have five months left in the year and still a lot of room for improvement in the “gardening” of my body—so here goes.

Current State of Garden

I’m going to adhere to a different diet each month! Please don’t think I am crazy (because I am) but this has to be fun. What could be more fun than that—Ha ha! I’m already laughing. I’m also starting the diet on the 17th of every month. Because of course you know I love the number 17.

Diet number 1 is my least favorite and therefore a beautiful platform on which to build. It is the Atkins. I will update on statistics weekly, I’m expecting BIG results—or should I say I’m expecting small results!

Goal Garden

You are probably thinking, this sounds like a recipe for disaster. You just might be right!

Smoky's Memoir

I found some very scratchy writings underneath Smokey's litter box. He has a lot to say. I posted them here because Smoky must be heard.

Memoirs of Smoky Johnson, the Hairless Wonder Cat
Book 1: Wherein I leave my Mothers Warmth
And Travel to My First Home

Picture courtesy of sis-in-law B

I am a Sphinx cat and am therefore special. I revile the word mutant, but I am a mutant in the best sense. As genes progress they have to mutate, there are bad mutations and there are exquisite mutations. I am, of course, exquisite. My DNA is the next generation of cat. Those of my breed are unburdened by fur and unfettered by cuteness. We are the true aristocrats of the cat kingdom.


I won’t dwell on my early weeks. It is sufficient to say I was born. I was weaned. I have only the memory of being loved and warmed by my mother. Ahhh, nothing is like the warmth of a mother. I was then given, for a sizable financial transaction (of course I am expensive), to a lovely family.

This family had such high hopes for me. I was personally selected by them for my hygienic qualities. I do not leave scraps of fur to be disdainfully vacuumed up. I am sleek and hygienic.

Alas, it was not to be. You see I still have one embarrassing problem. I must groom. I really must—I can’t leave the grooming to humans. They are arbitrary; I cannot count on them to know exactly when and where I need to be cleansed. They would never figure it out. In the process of grooming my beautiful body I produce (and now I whisper) dander.

My first family had one major imperfection. Several of them were allergic to (gasp) me!


And thus I left for my new home, for a still sizable financial transaction (50% off I am loathe to say). I must go.

The saga continues in, “I Enter the Home of a Second Discerning Family with Two Young (Very Young) Boys.”

Morning Musts

When I lived in Bountiful I lived among the greats of homemaking! Most of them did it all by themselves—in Holladay I’ve found that there is a little more hired help. I was stunned in Bountiful by the ability and joy many found in housewifery—since I seem to lack both. I became fascinated by it and soon decided to do a survey. I asked about how people scheduled their house work, how they controlled the paper trail, and how they managed. It was really fun and I will post some of that here soon.

Today I am interested in what you have to do in the morning to make you sane. I have two things:

First I must bathe; I do not feel sane unless I’ve taken a bath. I don’t take showers in the morning; they are too active for me. I have to ease into the day. I usually read my scriptures (only drawback is this makes it difficult to underline and make notations) or if I’m being naughty a novel. It takes about 15-25 minutes depending on how early I wake up. It is for this reason alone that I don’t like camping. I can sleep at night in the wilderness, the food is fun, I love the outdoors—but miss a bath—eeeek!

The second thing I must do is eat peanut butter on high fiber toast with a diet coke. If I do not do this I don’t feel human. It is a crutch that I am in LOVE with. (Often I do this while in the tub.)

I think this post qualifies as over-sharing, but I only over-share in an effort to get you to do the same. What can’t you live without in the morning? What gets you rolling out of bed and into the day? No lurking—I seriously want to know.

Study of a Female Mid-Life Crisis

I'm pretty sure I'm having a mid life crisis--or the other alternative is I am just losing my mind! It's been going on for weeks but has suddenly gone from the realm of cute and quirky to pathological and scary.

In one 36 hour period I did three things.

1. We have a schedule for Sharing Time in Primary. Each member of the Primary Presidency has a week and then a class does a week. I talk to my 2nd Counselor and she tells me she's going to be gone a certain Sunday. I say fine, but it niggles at my brain. She just told me she would be gone on the 3rd week and that is HER week. I realize this on Saturday. I call her and she is surprised and says she thought she was the next week. I magnanimously say I will do it for her. The next day I go in and set up early and the wonderful Primary Secretary looks at me setting up and said, "Isn't it my week?"

(I'd changed it myself because of scheduling conflicts with Memorial Day.)

2. That same Sunday night I have a Senior Recital of a darling young woman I am quite excited to see. I check the invitation before I dash out the door and confirm to myself that it is at 7:30. I think, "That seems late for a recital." I was glad because then I could spend more time with my extended family at Sunday Dinner.

When I get to Sunday Dinner I find my darling niece is also going to the recital. She tells me it is at 7. I say "No, I just looked at the invitation and it said 7:30." She calls her friends and they plan to meet there at 7:30. This time I do have doubts--the mornings shenanigans still stinging, but I'm pretty sure. We leave a little early just in case and only miss the first 3 of the 6 pieces she is playing. My nieces friends come in to see the bow!

I go home and pick up the invitation--yep it says 7:00pm

3. Picture 6:45 am the next morning. I roll out of bed to check the Jr. High carpool schedule. I put my finger up to the date, then slide it over to the name--looks like Eden to me, it must be my turn for carpool. I shower and drive down to the first pick-up when my very dependable friend and co-carpool driver slides up next to me in her sleek enviro-friendly SUV and says, "Eden I think it's my turn for carpool."

I do not even question her and watch as my daughter enters her car and they drive away. I go home and yep it says her name next to the date.

This is disturbing in three ways:

A. I am checking and re-checking and actually seeing the wrong information. I am not just thinking a time, I am checking.

B. I am leading others away in my deluded certainty.

C. My Dad used to call me "often wrong but never in doubt." Alas, now I must admit it is "always wrong and beginning to doubt."

How come mid-life crisis for Men is fun. At least it's fun for them and horrible for everyone else except the mistress and car dealer. There still remarkably good looking--maybe even better looking than they've ever been, they're in their peak earning period. Seriously what excuse do they even have to actually be in crisis? I guess they suddenly feel life slipping, their body starts to change and they experience the knowledge of mortality. Things I understood after I had my first baby at 24 years of age.

My mid-life crisis is caused by the realization that I am too small for my life. I don't have enough energy, ability or brain power to do all I should do--or even have to do. If you have any answers beside running through the streets screaming let me know!

What kind of person are you?

I divide the world into two groups, yes people and no people.

You might be a YES person if:

*You line up outside stores before they open the day after Thanksgiving.

*You like to go duck hunting in 20 degree F weather at 5:00 in the morning--or you like to do anything before 9AM.

*You get home from a long day and someone calls you up to go to dinner and you want to go.

*You like answering the phone.

*You go to Lagoon (or any amusement park) more than once a year.

*You would rather do anything than read.

*You think fun doesn't sounds like more work--than actual work.

*You go to Easter Egg Hunts, St Patrick's Day Parties, & 4th of July Breakfasts religiously.

*You volunteer for the PTA.

*You go to Community Meetings.

*You think seeing things live may be better than watching them on TV.

*You can't think of reasons not to do things.

Well, I fail the above test. I am a NO person. I like things quiet--peaceful. I blame it on Graves Disease that I had when I was 23. Graves disease causes the thyroid to become hyperactive. I felt wired all of the time. I drove from SLC, Utah to Portland, Oregon--12 hours straight with out caffeine or anything more than a pit stop. My hands shook and I felt stressed out. So now, many, many years later whenever I feel that stressed out feeling I equate that to illness and I don't like it at all. So I try to keep my life simple (well as simple as is possible in this frantic world).

Here's the joke on me. I work for YES people. In fact almost every morning I come in to work and someone asks me to do something that I'm pretty sure is impossible. In my mind I'm thinking, "You want me to research that--I'm pretty sure there isn't any information on that. Cows can't live there! You want to go where? They don't let people in there! I'm sure that there aren't any flights and I know you can't get a visa. We can't do that--there." Then I sit down and start typing on my keyboard and you know what--It is possible to go anywhere if you really want to and people will research and write about pretty much anything (irony intended). Amazing. I've shocked myself by loving it--it's like a little puzzle I need to solve. It's turned me into an open minded NO person.

I may start using it on my kids and myself. Maybe you can have friends over if the house isn't clean. Maybe you could play that contact sport. Maybe I'm not too old to take up the Lambada. Maybe I will write a romance novel--(Did I type that out loud?).