Fad Diet Here I Come - or - Of Mice and Women

Month 4 vegetarian was a sad and sorry experience. I gained 5 pounds.  Yippeee for me! I am currently on the slowest weight loss plan ever. If your looking for excuses (and I always am) I think putting vegetarian right after vegan was just a little too similar to be fun--and this is all about fun--right?

So this month bring on the fad diets! I am doing the "Up Day Down Day Diet," created by a Dr. Johnson. (Link is on the right under Month 5.)  He read the studies on mice that they fed one day and then didn't the next and found out the mice participants lived longer and healthier lives (I don't know about happier).  He took this to heart and created the diet where you eat normally one day and the next eat 500 calories.

I only found out about this diet from my husband who heard second-hand that a very overweight man's trainer used it as a last resort. It worked wonders for him! With endorsements like that who could resist.

I've been on it for almost a week and I've lost 4 pounds, so I guess it does work so far. It's quite a trick to only eat 500 calories a day. Last night at 10:00pm I couldn't resist some Skittles that were resting less than innocently on my desk. I'm still trying to figure out some tricks to make it through the evening hours.

Gasp! I hope Thanksgiving is on an up day!

Modern Torture Chambers--or--What I Have in Common with Keira Knightley

I'm going to be an old lady for just a moment and talk about my sciatica. I have sciatica and if I stand too long or walk on a flat surface my leg hurts like the dickens, my foot falls asleep and it just plain feels like an electric shock running up and down my leg. I found out that the numbness can lead to nerve damage and that I better check it out.

I went into the doctor and he prescribed an MRI. By the way the MRI is really a modern day torture device masquerading as a medical instrament--I am sure of it. First they strip you naked and put on an ugly drape and then they keep asking you questions like, "Do you have any metal inside your body--you better tell us, because if you don't the MRI is going to rip it out of your body and then you'll be sorry if you lie to us about the metal in your body." I kept telling them, "I have metal staples in me from a gall bladderectomy" but then they just said, "Oh those metal type things don't count."

So I entered the room with that tunnel terrified. Then they shove you onto this little board that stuffs you in this thing like toothpaste going back into the tube. If the fear of the staples emerging from your body like the alien from Aliens or the claustrophobia don't get you then there's the noise. It seems impossible that aligning your electrons to form a picture could be so incredible loud--but it is.

This is all beside the point. The point is that one of my discs is being squeezed out of my spine and poking into nerves that cause the painful condition known as sciatica. The radiologist (who turned out to be my brother's best friend from high school) had me come back to his den of wisdom and told me, "The pain you're feeling is real!" Like I should be congratulated for not being delusional!

He thought that I didn't have to have surgery and could maybe take care of it all through physical therapy. Yeah!

So I go to a lovely man who turns out to be a high school buddy of my husband for physical therapy. (I prefer not knowing my doctors--I believe in medical anonymity.) He's great. We do some yoga like moves, he tells me to get my blood pumping on a recumbent bike, he shows me a wonderful power point presentation on my condition and then he pulls out this big, black corset and proceeds to put it on me.

At first I thought there was no way this corset is going to fit around my waist and then I notice all of the Velcro. He got the end through the buckle and started to pull and pull and pull. He laughed and said, "Now you look like Keira Knightley, in Pirates of the Carribean." I looked at him and said, "No one has ever said that to me before," but I thought "yeah, right."

He put me on a treadmill and hooked the corset to straps that go to a scaffolding connected to the treadmill. Then he turned a nob that slowly makes me weigh less by lifting me slightly off the treadmill. He said it was to take pressure of my spine. He set it at 40 pounds lighter and then set the treadmill timer for 3 minutes. The scaffolding pulled me up--except now there is a problem, the corset slipped up and took my breasts with it. I looked down and ouldn't believe my eyes. Somehow over the last 2 minutes I turned into Dolly Parton and the corset kept moving up.

I looked scary and I was scared. I looked over at the helper with desperation in my eyes. She cane over and said "This looks like it needs to be tightened a bit more so it doesn't ride up." She tightened it up and while I was grateful that it wasn't pushing my breasts to my forehead I was starting to have a problem breathing. She set the timer for 2 more minutes. The longest two minutes of my life.

Then, because I am prone to delusional optimism, I realized I do have something in common with Keira Knightley--a corset does do wonders.

Let Them Eat Cake

Yes I have been avoiding you. Here is the beginning of the excuse--2 weeks ago I was going through a stressful period. I was in charge of the Primary Program and I also knew that I was about to be released so I had a lot of things to tidy up. Then last week we had our program and it went great! The kids were fantastic.

The day before the program my daughter had her 16th Birthday Party to which she invited 60 kids. Because if you invite one person of course you have to invite 5 more so that no one feels bad. We made caramel apples, decorated pumpkins, had s'mores by the fire, ate dinner, chips, popcorn and watched a movie. All this before I had to be at church by 7AM.

Anyway, through all of that stress I stayed on the wagon. Good for me!

Then Sunday night came. I was in a blissful state of job well done and rested from a wonderful afternoon nap. Then I started obsessing about my daughter's chocolate Costco cake we'd bought for the party. Puffy frosting and all. (I wasn't obsessing about the homemade marzipan cake I'd made on her actual birthday that would have actually tasted good.)

I let that devil sugar in the door--and it made itself right at home in my belly. I had a piece a cake a day for the next 6 days and I enjoyed any kind of Halloween treat that I passed by.

Yes. by my weigh in date I'd gained 3 pounds.

So stats on the first two weeks of Vegetarian is + 3 pounds. Plus 3 pounds!

So there. Now you know. Will you please leave me alone now!

Winter Doldrums in October?

I feel like I'm already having my winter crazies. How could this be? What will I do in January if I've already colored my hair, acted absentmindedly, and wanted to hibernate for the rest of fall and winter. I fear for everyone around me!


Sometimes my first clue that I am stressed is a strong desire to drive away and be alone for a few days. Well, I must be stressed, because all I can think about is spending a week at a cabin, hut, or especially at the foggy Oregon seaside—actually anywhere I am completely alone.

I want to sleep and read as much as possible and not worry about the phone, schedules or my hair!

How about you—where does your mind go when you are stressed, or does your mind just go. . .

A Fond Farewell to Vegan, Hello Ornish "Spectrum"

My Vegan experience is over and I must say I really liked it. I am shocked. I thought it would be really hard and that I would always be craving something, but thanks to Great Harvest Bread and Whole Foods I ate really well and enjoyed myself. In fact I think I could do this one forever. It's the first diet that I'm sorry to see go. Life is just full of surprises.

Final Vegan Stats:

Week 1 = 5 Pounds

Week 2 = 1 Pound

Week 3 = 1 Pound

Week 4 = 1 Pound

Total = 8 Pounds!!!!

I've lost a total of 20 pounds in 2009! Hip Hip Hurray! Only 2 million more to go!

Now onto this month. I liked Vegan so much and because my system gets a little upset with big changes I'm going to go the “The Spectrum” program by Dr. Dean Ornish. This diet is similar and focuses mostly on fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. It has more options than vegan because the program also allows for non-fat dairy and egg whites.

Dr. Ornish lists foods in 5 groups from most healthful to least healthful. I am going to stick to group 1 mostly, and some group 2 foods. I’ve listed the website in the sidebar if you are interested in what the food groups are. I have missed seafood so I may dip into group 3 foods for a little bit of ocean goodness.

This diet is lower in fat than the vegan, but has more options. Cross your fingers!

Quick Vegan Stats

Week 3 ended Thursday, October 8.

I lost one more pound. 7 pounds so far on Vegan. Yea!

I guess the best thing to say about Vegan is that there is really no possible way of eating fast food. I haven't been to a drive through (okay, I have had Diet Coke at a fast food restaurant) in three weeks. I think it's been years since that is true. The diet should be lauded for that! It's been the hardest by far for eating out. Almost every vegetarian option at restaurants has cheese in it.

I found some great places for vegan sandwiches. I love Great Harvest for their hummus veggie sandwich. Rich's Bagels has a great vegetarian sandwich too. The Dodo's ginger carrot soup is amazing! Whole Foods has some great roasted veggie side dishes boxed up as well as a fantastic couscous salad! So there are great options, but I've had to search high and low to find them and I have to get out of my car to get them!

Be Careful or I’ll Bite Your Head Off Too!

Week 2 of Vegan ended last Thursday (Oct .1) and I lost another pound! So far as a Vegan I’ve lost 6 pounds. I feel fantastic physically. I don’t feel tired or lethargic—in fact I feel wired! Even without excessive caffeine.

Although I am a bit worried that I cannot seem to keep a thought in my head. Honestly I now know the literal meaning of airhead—because that’s all that’s in there.

Proofs of my air problem:

1. The other day I am putting the DMV sticker on my daughter’s car.

It is supposed to look like this example on the left, but instead of the '01 it would be 10 for the year 2010. I placed the sticker on the blank space next to last year's sticker. It now shows that her registration will expire 09, 09, 10. I was supposed to put it over the second 09. I know it’s very complicated. So instead of leaving it I try to tear it off and just manage to rip it in half. I place half the sticker on top of the second 09 and leave the other half where it is. See I can’t even write without being confusing. She will probably get pulled over countless times over the next year and have to explain about her crazy mom.

2. I go through a “I hate my hair color” phase every two years. Ordinarily I keep my urges under control with trips to the hairdresser for professional color enhancements. I had to cancel my appointment and I was stuck with two inches of ugly re-growth. I went and bought not 1, not 2, but three boxes of hair color. Two are blond and one is brown. I decided that I was sick of being blond and having to deal with re-growth so I choose the brown. It looked pretty good, but since I bought ash brown after a couple of days it fades to a nice mossy brown, mossy as in green. I then made an emergency appointment with the hairdresser and had her re-do it and now I have true brown hair.

I don’t know why I bought 2 boxes of different shades of blond.

The second thing I am worried about is that I am extraordinarily irritable.

I am an irritable airhead.

I’ve had to resort to telling my children—I am in a really bad mood so I am going to take a time-out in my bedroom--FOREVER. You really don’t want to bother me. I find myself snapping at whoever doesn’t understand my vague instructions or explanations. I find Smoky the Hairless Cat incredibly annoying and keep pushing him out of my room. Now that’s just sad.

I’m never hungry but I wonder if my subconscious is yelling for that cushion of over-eating it is so used to.