Led Zeppelin--Proof Positive of a Parallel Universe

A few years ago my life turned upside down and it never righted itself. It wasn’t as if something terrible happened, life just shook me up and made me take a good long look at myself. Reality turned out to be—my reality and not necessarily the reality of others close to me. It was good to realize this—humbling—but good.

I thought it was not big deal at the time, but looking back 6 or 7 years I can see that I entered a parallel universe.

How I know it's a parallel universe:

1. I started not caring if I was late. I had always been 5 minutes early to everything in my life--now I'm usually on time, but I've lost the ability (or will) to always be on time.

2. I moved from Bountiful, Utah to Holladay, Utah. Same state--different planet. (Although the people in both places are remarkably attractive.)

3. I started taking cello lessons. Which doesn't seem weird because I've always loved the cello, but playing the cello opened my mind and caused my left brain to communicate with my right brain.

3a. Unintended consequence: I started to write like crazy. The next thing I knew I’d written a book and had ideas for others.

3b. Unintended consequence: Writing filled up my brain and I no longer had room for other thoughts. For example: What time does my daughter’s ballet start? Was cub scouts today? Am I supposed to clean the bathroom? Am I supposed to be nice? What were you saying? What was I saying?

4. I stopped worrying what my house looked like when people dropped by. This was HUGE!

5. Dropped out of PTA.

6. Gained a remarkable amount of weight--(Thus the diet a month agenda).

7. Became a brunette after a lifetime of blond

8. Not as sure of myself--but a lot more relaxed.

9. Went to work.

10. Although the real reason I KNOW that I am in a parallel universe is that I can listen to Led Zeppelin without going bonkers. This may not sound big, but it is definitely the proof.

During my adolescent years I truly thought Led Zeppelin was evil. I'm not kidding, Evil (note capital E). Plain and simple—no debate—the worst thing ever. I couldn't listen to them for a minute without feeling really creepy and a little disturbed. My husband is a huge music guy and Led Zeppelin is his favorite. When we were dating he would try to trick me into listening to them and I always changed the radio or popped out the tape. Usually without even realizing it was Led Zeppelin, I just became irrationally annoyed with the music. I couldn't even stand an Eric Clapton song that even sounded remotely like Led.

I can now listen to Led Zeppelin. Sometimes I even enjoy it and I appreciate the artistry. (Even having the ability to write that sentence surprises me.) Proof positive that I am not in the plane of existence I was before. So you tell me, should I try to get back?

Fitness Is Fun To Do! Yee Haw!

I've had a few things that I've wanted to do for years--literally years and years in the sports and fitness field. I've decided this is the year! Are you with me? If you are, comment about what your want to do, then we can keep each other honest.

Eden's 2010 Fitness To Do List:

1.  I've lived in Utah all of my life and I have never been snowshoeing. Who wants to go--call me!

2.  I cannot do a lay-up in basketball. I've always wanted to. My husband has promised to help me--remind him.

3.  I want to hike Mount Olympus again. It has been years (probably 15). It is time, especially since I can walk straight up the mountainside from my front door.

4.  I don't want to be the last one to the top on our annual hike from Alta over to Brighton. I want to keep up with the 10 year olds and my incredibly nimble father (who is getting up there in years, but fitter than ever).

5.  I want to run a 5k.

6. Every Thanksgiving break we like to go to my uncle's ranch in Emery Utah. At that ranch there are two parts--there's a working part and then a hospitality part. As the crow flies they are  not too far apart, but if you use the roads it is about 5 miles. For years I have wanted to jog from one to the other--this is the year.

7. Beat my husband at tennis--He won last time.

Don't leave me hanging, tell me what you want to do.

But MY Grandmother Was A Boden

Blog Housekeeping

I'm adding a bit of structure to my blog. I work much better with a deadline.

Tuesdays: "Various Topics of Dubious (Debatable? Distinct? Devastating?) Interest"

Thursdays: "Health, Diet and Fitness" or as I like to think of it "Square Two" since last year I made it past square one.

For 2010 a new diet each month continues. This is solely to keep myself marching forward. It will not be as strict and if a diet is really working I may stay on it longer than a month. I start NutriSystems as soon as the food comes--sometime this week. I will extend my reach into the health discussion by testing exercise gadgets as well as actually exercising. Who knew that it was important to exercise? What a surprise!

Weekend: "My Wit, Wisdom or Weakness Concerning Word Craft" or something to do with the "Elusive Craft of Writing."    Disclaimer--you may be exposed to my poetry or prose--proceed with caution.

Now onto Tuesday's "Topic of Dubious Interest"
You know when you think you've discovered something and then realize that you were actually about the last person on earth to discover it. I think this is something that happens to everyone with the Beatles--at least all my children. They listen intently to the music and create this intensely personal relationship with it and then cannot believe that anyone else's relationship could be as strong or insightful. Which in all actuality is probably true--for them. I've had long discussions (fights) with many of my children over what songs really mean, who is the best Beatle and who really is to blame for the break-up. It's amazing that a band can cause so much discussion 40 years later.

The same goes for pregnancies. If you hear anyone talk about their pregnancy & births--they were either the sickest person on earth or the healthiest. It was either the hardest delivery or the most beatific. Life is intense and personal and it is so hard to see beyond that somehow.

Well, about a year ago I discovered the Boden Catalog. It was love at first sight. It is classic, individual, quirky and the clincher is--its English! Even the name was just for me--my Grandmother was a Boden. Never mind that the clothes aren't great for anyone with hips, of which I have ample supply. I still love it. It's a little pricey for me so I bought a couple of items on sale. I then went to church. Walking ten rows in front of me was the vest I'd coveted displayed adorably on a model like 18 year old girl. It was distinctive enough that there was no way I could buy it. Then I went into Primary and the music leader was wearing the shirt I just bought. Then in walks another primary worker and she is wearing the other vest and skirt I was thinking of buying next. Drat! They all looked fantastic!! Double drat!! I certainly didn't want to be caught in an US Weekly style--"Who Looks Better Comparison."

How depressing to have everyone in the neighborhood have such good taste!

The Circus Leaves Town

My two college aged girls leave again this week. One heads off to Manhattan and the other to an internship in Washington D.C. These two rushed into my life 19 and ¾ years ago like a hurricane. (Sorry—I know I’ve written of this before.) I was 23, had been married a year and thought I was ready to have a child. It sounds so impossibly young now. My sister-in-law had just had twins and I remember thinking, “I could never do that.” I wasn’t one who had ever fantasized about having twins; I’d hardly even fantasized about children.

I had a good job and had worked out a way that I could work part-time from home—and then the fates laughed and laughed. I was so sick at 7 weeks the doctor made me come in and then for some reason decided I had to have an ultrasound and there they were—two little fish! Twins! I had hysterical giggling fits all the way home, between waves of wrenching nausea. In one second everything changed. At 7 months I was put on bed rest—it wasn’t scary it was just a precaution. I wrote in my journal, padded around the apartment, read a ton, and watched soap operas with the sound off. They are quite entertaining that way, with all the gesticulating and such. It was actually quite a lovely, quiet time.

Then the time came for them to be born. I went to the doctor, he started an epidural and everything went smoothly until it took way too long for Baby A to be born. She decided to approach life ear first, the doctor had to use forceps and she was this bruised little butterfly. Then after another hour or so of labor Baby B just decided to relax and NOT join us at all. I ended up with a c-section. She was this perfect little butterfly. I loved it all—what a way to experience everything all in one go.

Anyway after the quite of pregnancy came these two beautiful, high strung, colicky, movers and shakers—I felt like I’d run 90 mph into a brick wall. The circus came to town baby! It was time to strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. It’s been joy and noise ever since. They’ve had this super sense of what is right and wrong from the day they were born; they see life with more clarity than I ever have, but on everything else they are polar opposites. I’ve never been able to tell them what to do and boy oh boy have I tried. (We’re all a little strong willed.)

It’s nice to see them get ready for their adventures. I like the thought of them both being in the east together. The house will be quiet, the other three children will be able to talk again and there will be fewer dishes. It’s a little like when we moved from living on a busy road to a bedroom community in Bountiful. Everything was peaceful and quiet, but I felt like I was missing out on something.

I feel the same this week as I felt when they walked into pre-school at 3 years old. Have I taught them everything they need to know? Are they prepared for what’s out there? Probably not—but that’s all a part of the adventure. Like the day they were born they will do it in their own style, their own pace and that will be the right way.

I'll Be Fine in 2009

It was with no little trepidation that I made resolutions a year ago. I needed to shake things up and I also wanted to reduce my life to simpler things. So as you may or may not know I made two quite strange resolutions. I decided to ban TV, sugar and high fat foods--to differing levels of success. When I decided to blog about it I knew I ran the risk of seeming like this was all I cared about, especially the dieting part.

In fact a friend of mine emailed me soon after and made me think about what I was doing. She said some really thought provoking things. She told me not to define thin as success and that she liked who I was and part of that was because I had these inclinations. She wasn't telling me not to try to be healthy, but that I wasn't defined by my weight. It was much better written than how I summarized it--in fact it was one of the most meaningful letters I've ever received. Every time I blogged about diets I thought about her and her perspective. She was mostly right but I think last year I did want to define my life simply. Maybe make it about my weight for awhile. Life is so complicated, I wanted to make a little fun of myself--and maybe think about why I needed to do this. Well I'm still thinking and I'm not sure I am any wiser.

The Reckoning


TV

We'll start with the second resolution. It was to watch no TV all year. I made that goal perfectly for about a month and then I had a sick day and enjoyed a TV extravaganza. I was able to swear off again and didn't watch anything but Battlestar Gallactica (not even sorry about that). Then about mid April I completely threw in the towel. I made it 4 months. Honestly I am happy with that! My husband may disagree with me, but I think I broke the back of that addiction. I watch plenty--but I don't find myself slaving over a certain show--or many shows like I was before.

This resolution had an unintended consequence--I started to read obsessively. I've always been an avid reader, but now it's like three books a week. This continued even when I started watching TV again. I would feel just dandy about this if most of the books were great art, alas I seem to have become addicted to pop mysteries, thrillers and double alas romance!

Food

I made the resolution last year to give up sugar, refined carbs and eat low fat. I was also able to do this for a couple of months, but then I had sporadic success until July when I decided to again take the horse by the reigns. That is when I started a new diet each month! That was fun and surprisingly challenging.

It has been an up and down experience, but I am putting in the final statistics now. I've lost 20 pounds this year and about 20 inches. It won't make me the biggest loser, but I have to look at as a success (or go insane). Of course I wanted to do better, but I know if I hadn't made the resolution I would have been back to square one. It's nice to be on square two.

I was fine in 2009. Maybe not a shooting star--but fine--and after the things that happened this year fine is okay by me.

I'm not sure if I'm going to continue the different diet each month--I'm going to decide before January 1st 2010 though. Stay tuned.

Shocker--Defeated by the Fad Diet

UpDayDownDayDiet goes down, downtown, all the way down, down into the garbage, down into the underground, down, down, down! Did I make that clear. The first week was fine, but the second week was impossible, I just couldn't do the 500 calorie days any more. It's as if my brain just screamed, "No!" Plus everyone kept telling me it sounded like an eating disorder so the support was LOW. I even had my college age daughter tell me it sounded, "Very unhealthy."

So I quit. 

Week 1:  Lost 4 pounds

Week 2:  Gained 4 pounds!

1st day of week three: Screamed and re-grouped.

I've only quit mid-month on 2 diets--Weight Watchers and UpDayDownDay. Each at 2 weeks and so I am giving myself permission to quit diets if I find myself resorting to old habits and gaining weight. These two diets have nothing in common. Weight Watchers is universally heralded as healthy, UpDayDownDay has yet to be heralded period.

So I've come up with a couple of theories about myself.

#1 There are two Edens.

(My husband will beg to differ he's known about 300 Edens but that's a story for another day)

There is Sugar Brained Eden and Non Sugar Brained Eden (herafter known as SBE and NSBE). I know I've blogged about the evils of sugar before, but until I get this right I have to blog about it again.

NSBE is serene, in control, thinks of others, can plan a healthy meal, waits until she's hungry to eat, likes herself, has pretty ankles that don't hurt and feels happy (maybe even a little self-righteous).

SBE is frantic, scattered, justifies bad behavior in eating and sometimes life, has a swollen face and ankles, has a cluttered mind, and mostly just feels out of control.

When a diet seems to allow sugar and refined carbohydrates NSBE jumps for joy and thus begins the spiraling descent that leads to a very bad place in sugarville.

So a diet that includes refined carbs is just not for me.

#2  I've learned that severe cutbacks are not for me. They trigger the "Rebellious Eden" (RE) and no one wants to see that. Especially me--who has time to be rebellious? Especially with the end of the year coming up and Judgement Day on the past year's resolutions.

So don't laugh at my rememdy but I had to get off sugar quick. I'm doing two weeks of Atkins just to get off the bad stuff and then I'll start a new more balanced diet.

Go away beautiful Sugar!

The Ephemeral

A couple of weeks ago I looked at the huge maples outside my window at work. They were in full golden fire as if they burned from within. I watched the wind blow, stealing armfuls of leaves and realized within days the leaves would be off their branches and in some clean-up crew's bags. I couldn't help but admire and pine for the ephemeral beauty of fall.

The leaves are gone now; some fell in their complete beauty, others clung until brown and crispy. I watched as the gardeners blew them into piles, dragged them off on a huge drop cloth and piled them in their truck. The sun shines strongly through the naked trees into my office and I have a lovely unobstructed view of Library Square. Yet, I still cannot get the beauty of those dying leaves out of my mind.

I've had two lovely friends die in this past year. One was much too young and the other was youthful, even into her eighties. Both glowed from within as if they kept a constant fire alight inside. I want to be like them--burning as brightly as possible until the very last second.

One was a father of six who had more energy than ten people. I've never seen anyone double (or quadruple) task like him. He could be on the phone, holding a meaningful conversation with the person he was physically with, drive a car and decide what would be the best thing to do next, all at the same time. He organized people, companies (probably empires), had an incredible family and was good to the core. He was a thoughtful bishop and made me want to be a better human. He was one of those people who changed the way I thought about things. I remember sitting in Sacrament Meeting and hearing him speak and truly being inspired--inspired enough to change some bad habits.

I love his family and his wife. They are examples of understanding and testimony. I often try to think of what I would do in the same situation and hope that I could be half as valiant as them. He was and I am sure is one of the shiniest people I've ever known.

My other friend Mildred typed up the program for Sacrament Meeting each week and was our Ward Librarian. She had been librarian for years and prepared every lesson's visual aids, games, or activities and had them on file. She and the other librarians prepared a folder filled with these helps each week for every teacher in the ward. If you did not pick them up--they would be delivered to you.

She kept me in line. She made sure I let her know who the new teachers were and helped me stay organized. She prepared my program for the Primary Sacrament Meeting Presentation each year--usually re-typing anything I produced.

Every Sunday morning at 8:15am as I set up chairs for the children, she came in and visited. We talked about everything. We talked about her exercises that she did daily so that arthritis wouldn't immobolize her, we talked about our plans for the week, we talked about our various medical conditions and we just talked. One day 2 months before she died, we talked about how she wasn't feeling well. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer soon after. She continued to prepare the programs, and call people to make sure things were being done until the week she died.

I miss them both. I miss them because honestly they were one of the few people who actually made my life easier and more fun, I miss them for who they were, I miss them because of how I felt when I was with them. I want to be like them. I want to be useful, to make people's lives easier and better because they know me.

They passed in full and unfaded beauty. I've got a long way to go to measure up to my two dear friends who I know are stirring things up on the other side.