Engineered Nutrition

I wrote this hours before I went out of town almost 2 weeks ago and forgot to post. So I added a little and here it is.

Two weeks. I've made it two weeks. 9 lbs down and minus 7 inches. It works. Of course I've given up food. Yes, it's true. I cannot stand the thought of meat before dinner--alas even bacon. So now I eat engineered food. It's been protein bars for breakfast and most lunches.

You have to know these bars SAVED me, but even in this state I could only eat the ones that had something crunchy in them. Otherwise they were way too pasty for me. I could only eat the Atkins brand bars because other protein bars had too many carbohydrates in them--convenient eh! (the 'eh is in honor of Canada--because I've been in Western Canada all week).

It's strange to actually have no cravings. I have no desire for food. For me that's like saying I have no desire for air. I don't even get hungry. The Atkins diet in the first phase is supposed to have an appetite suppressing effect, I just didn't expect it to be so powerful. I know when I wake up that I need food, but I don't really feel like eating. Weird. Freaky. Even supernatural.

Coming Soon. . .

"The Atkin's Experiment Comes to an End," and "Hello Online Weight Watchers!"

I'd like to thank the Academy

I've been given an award. It's not for my good looks, my intelligence, my mothering or my way with animals. No, it's for my blog! I'm taking a bow right now--if you could only see it. Does it matter that it's from my sister-in-law, whose blog truly is brilliant and I think she may be throwing me a bone?

It's an award that's kind of like a chain letter and it has rules.

1. You thank the person that gave you such an honor. I thank you Brodi
for giving me such an award. You rock as usual! You also have to include the link.

2. Put in the picture of the Award. I will treasure this picture forever!!!

3. Pass on the award to seven other people whose blogs you find brilliant in content or design. Notify the bloggers you choose for the award and hopefully they’ll join in.

a. I love Heather's blog--she doesn't post a lot, but when she does it's usually thought provoking, beautifully written and often heartbreaking.

b. I can't live without Brodi's blog (see above link), I know it's cheating to send it back to her, but I find her unbelievably funny. She also says things that you cannot believe a human can think of let alone write! I love that. I have to be careful when I read it at work because I laugh out loud.

c. I love the blog Seriously Shellie. She makes me laugh. She has an elastic brain. She also makes me cry. I think she's doing something really important with her blog, as she writes a haunting memoir of her battle with cancer when she was young.

d. My favorite Dad blog is The Quad. Sam writes about his day-to- day thoughts about family and wherever his random brain takes him. I also have to be careful not to laugh to loud at work with this one too!

e. A Bountiful Kitchen is a beautiful blog about food and has great recipes. I know the blogger and she can cook! Anything Si likes I will eat, because I know it will taste great! They should canonize her taste buds.

f. I also think the The Pioneer Woman Cooks website is incredible. It is not low-fat, but guaranteed to satisfy any cowboy.

g. I follow other blogs, but they are mostly family blogs and I'm not sure they would love being listed here. But here's a cheer for the great family blog!! Yea!! Yea!!

4. The last thing we're supposed to do is list 10 honest things about yourself. As if the act of blogging itself wasn't meant to be revelatory.

Here Goes:

1. I hate large crowds. I don't understand them, I don't like to be in them and it makes me not like humans so much. So I avoid them (does that make me neurotic).

2. I'm always making a plan. It drives my husband CRAZY. If my future is uncertain I make a plan for every contingency. I often write them down and start seeing how I can make them work. Most of them are fiction, but they are definitely still great plans.

3. I hate grocery stores. This hatred spills over into any kind of retail. I don't like shopping.

4. I have a love of John Mayer that borders on the bizarre and unhealthy. I love that he gets all these fine women, because he's really just a guitar geek. It shows that geeks do actually rule the world.

5. I love Red Rock Brewing Company in downtown Salt Lake City and not for their beer, which I'm sure is fabulous but I don't drink. I love their food especially their salads!

6. I dream of being able to live in a different place each summer for the rest of my life.

7. I have transcendental experiences in beautiful gardens. Wherever I vacation I visit gardens and they transport me to this lovely place that holds a certain reverence. I almost always remember countries or cities I've visited by their gardens.

8. I also remember places I've visited by their grocery stores. Even though I hate grocery shopping at home, I love grocery shopping elsewhere. I think a grocery store tells more about a place than almost anything else.

9. I love the process of finding friends. They are almost never the people I think they are going to be when I move to a new place. There are so many treasures out there.

10. I enjoy going to movies alone, especially if the movie is a guilty pleasure (like romantic comedies that aren't great--but I'm secretly dying to see). I think that has to do with expectations. I don't have to worry about anyone else enjoying the film. I also love the idea of doing something naughty and yes probably a little pathetic, like seeing a film in the middle of the day all alone.

Well, that is definitely enough about me! Now it's time to see what other bloggers think.

Week 1 Diet 1--Atkins: Pros v. Cons

It's been a good first week. I've been able to stem any cheatin' urges. I'm counting my carbs and loading up on protein. The headaches are gone taking fuzzy brain along with them.

I thought I'd present the first week to you in a list, I am so very fond of lists, especially the pro/con variety. Lets starts with the pros of Atkins!

Pros

1. I've lost 7 count them 1-2-3-4-5-6-7 pounds. 7 glorious pounds.

2. My face is not puffy!

3. My ankles do not hurt when I wake up and take my first steps. (This corresponds highly to sugar intake--why would eating sugar hurt my feet? I don't know it's a mystery). For that matter my feet don't hurt either.

4. I have energy!

5. My mind is clear. (After the first few days)

6. My clothes fit like a dream

7. The menu is uncomplicated and easy to prepare (see below it falls into a con also). It's so simple I find myself not thinking about food--shocking!

8. I outlasted my husband--he lasted 6 days.

9. Only one more week of the "induction" phase.

Cons

1. I have bad breath. I asked my husband about it and he didn't say it was bad, he just said it was different. I think that's nice--isn't it?

2. The lack of variety. I mean, you know I love bacon, but there has to be more than salads and meat.

3. I'm looking longingly at watermelon, cookies and my sister "E's" bread sticks.

Only three cons, I'm actually surprised by that fact. I think I can make it!

Dreaming of Bacon

Four days into the Atkins Diet and I just have to say one thing. Bacon=Yum! As I usually try to eat a low fat diet I can’t remember when I last ate bacon and I’m sure it’s been about ten years since I ate guilt-free bacon. Bacon is good. Bacon, bacon, bacon! Yum, yum yum! Sorry, I know I’m not thinking clearly, (a side-effect I’ve found is common when in the induction phase of Atkins) but bacon is fab!

Let me explain the induction phase of Atkins. You have to stick to 20 grams of carbohydrates a day. That is low. In fact sugar free vitamin water still has 5-10 gram of carbohydrate—even though when I read the ingredients there was hardly anything in it. Each Werther’s Original Sugar free candy has about 3 grams of carbs in it! So, the diet the first two weeks is limited to meat/protein, fat, some cheese and what they call salad vegetables. You can have other veggies, but one raw tomato has 4.3 grams of carbs. You may have salad dressing too, but watch out for sugar content, because a lot of salad dressings have hidden sugar in them—gasp.

The diet also says to limit caffeine because it can cause “symptoms of hypoglycemia.” I just want to make one thing clear; I am not giving up Diet Coke.

The first two weeks has few choices but the delight of eating bacon seems to outweigh the limitations at the moment. It even outweighs certain uncomfortable side-effects I am currently enduring. Like the fuzzy brain I mentioned. I also need to take fiber tablets but I won’t burden you with more information there. Last, but certainly not least, I have a headache. Not a terrible one, but it is persistent over the last two days, from temple to temple. Also, yesterday I came home from family dinner at about 2:00pm and slept 3 hours and then still slept a normal night’s sleep. Is it just me or was that weird?

There are other side-effects that are not so bad. My ankles did not hurt this morning when I first walked on them. I put on my favorite Sunday skirt yesterday and for the first time ever it was not tight around my waist--no straining the seams there! I weighed myself this morning and after 4 days I’ve lost 6 pounds. Whoa, Nelly! That was a surprise. I know it’s just water, but who cares—my skirt fit!

My Will as a Gardener

It's been a month since I last blogged. That's the longest I've gone since the beginning. As an excuse my world has spun a little out of control. In fact all heck broke loose! I’m just saying that it has been taken control of by “aliens” from planet “Decision of Yesteryear.” Let’s call them “Miscalculationtoids.” So I am forced into trying to focus on the few small things that I actually do have some influence over.

Like cleaning the garage, I now have the most beautifully clean garage on the face of the earth. It is organized and I actually know what is in there.

I cleaned and organized my family room. I threw away two large garbage cans worth of junk from both the family room and the garage. I tried to get rid of our video tapes, but I was soundly defeated by my husband and children on that front.

I made the living and the dining room perfect. I filled nail holes and chips in the paint. I even cleaned the shutters.

Now I’ve turned to my New Year’s Resolutions. I’m restless so I don’t want to start again with the ones I blogged about in January. I want to have fun with it again. I’m still better off than I started. I’m down about 15 pounds and I am in much better shape—but I’m stymied. So last week when I was at the Utah Shakespearean Festival I saw this wonderful quote:

“Tis in ourselves that we are thus or thus. Our bodies are our gardens,to the which our wills are gardeners.” Othello, I(3)322

I have a will—and where there’s a will there’s a way. So I have a new dastardly plan! I have five months left in the year and still a lot of room for improvement in the “gardening” of my body—so here goes.

Current State of Garden

I’m going to adhere to a different diet each month! Please don’t think I am crazy (because I am) but this has to be fun. What could be more fun than that—Ha ha! I’m already laughing. I’m also starting the diet on the 17th of every month. Because of course you know I love the number 17.

Diet number 1 is my least favorite and therefore a beautiful platform on which to build. It is the Atkins. I will update on statistics weekly, I’m expecting BIG results—or should I say I’m expecting small results!

Goal Garden

You are probably thinking, this sounds like a recipe for disaster. You just might be right!

Smoky's Memoir

I found some very scratchy writings underneath Smokey's litter box. He has a lot to say. I posted them here because Smoky must be heard.

Memoirs of Smoky Johnson, the Hairless Wonder Cat
Book 1: Wherein I leave my Mothers Warmth
And Travel to My First Home

Picture courtesy of sis-in-law B

I am a Sphinx cat and am therefore special. I revile the word mutant, but I am a mutant in the best sense. As genes progress they have to mutate, there are bad mutations and there are exquisite mutations. I am, of course, exquisite. My DNA is the next generation of cat. Those of my breed are unburdened by fur and unfettered by cuteness. We are the true aristocrats of the cat kingdom.


I won’t dwell on my early weeks. It is sufficient to say I was born. I was weaned. I have only the memory of being loved and warmed by my mother. Ahhh, nothing is like the warmth of a mother. I was then given, for a sizable financial transaction (of course I am expensive), to a lovely family.

This family had such high hopes for me. I was personally selected by them for my hygienic qualities. I do not leave scraps of fur to be disdainfully vacuumed up. I am sleek and hygienic.

Alas, it was not to be. You see I still have one embarrassing problem. I must groom. I really must—I can’t leave the grooming to humans. They are arbitrary; I cannot count on them to know exactly when and where I need to be cleansed. They would never figure it out. In the process of grooming my beautiful body I produce (and now I whisper) dander.

My first family had one major imperfection. Several of them were allergic to (gasp) me!


And thus I left for my new home, for a still sizable financial transaction (50% off I am loathe to say). I must go.

The saga continues in, “I Enter the Home of a Second Discerning Family with Two Young (Very Young) Boys.”

Morning Musts

When I lived in Bountiful I lived among the greats of homemaking! Most of them did it all by themselves—in Holladay I’ve found that there is a little more hired help. I was stunned in Bountiful by the ability and joy many found in housewifery—since I seem to lack both. I became fascinated by it and soon decided to do a survey. I asked about how people scheduled their house work, how they controlled the paper trail, and how they managed. It was really fun and I will post some of that here soon.

Today I am interested in what you have to do in the morning to make you sane. I have two things:

First I must bathe; I do not feel sane unless I’ve taken a bath. I don’t take showers in the morning; they are too active for me. I have to ease into the day. I usually read my scriptures (only drawback is this makes it difficult to underline and make notations) or if I’m being naughty a novel. It takes about 15-25 minutes depending on how early I wake up. It is for this reason alone that I don’t like camping. I can sleep at night in the wilderness, the food is fun, I love the outdoors—but miss a bath—eeeek!

The second thing I must do is eat peanut butter on high fiber toast with a diet coke. If I do not do this I don’t feel human. It is a crutch that I am in LOVE with. (Often I do this while in the tub.)

I think this post qualifies as over-sharing, but I only over-share in an effort to get you to do the same. What can’t you live without in the morning? What gets you rolling out of bed and into the day? No lurking—I seriously want to know.