In Memory of Amy

Amy

A year ago today my sister-in-law Amy died. I have not been able to write about her all year and find it just as hard to write about today.  Amy was everything. She was a joy to be around, funny, beautiful, silly, infuriating, thoughtful, selfish, good, short-sighted, anxious and bright.  I personally think her ultimate quality was goodness. Everyone loved her and she genuinely wanted to make people happy.

At her funeral I was shocked by the number of people that came through from "Sharon's" the restaurant where she worked. Everyone had a nice story to tell about how she brightened their day. This included teenagers, to families, and to an elderly gentleman from my neighborhood.

We moved two days after she died and it turned out to be a quite a time of turmoil. We had to find homes for pets, pack, start a new school and experience her passing and funeral with respect and care. I especially wanted to give my husband Dan room to do what he needed to do. I found that I have had a hard time mourning--I am not usual a denial type of person, but in this case I have been.  The funeral was beautiful and everyone (all 6 siblings) gave wonderful talks. We received a beautiful bound copy of all the talks from Dan's sister and I can't seem to even get through one to this day without crying. So I prefer not to read them or even think about it.

Yet, I drive her car.

My camera's broken so here is a good
likeness of "Zippy"

It is the thing that reminds me most of her.  Her Volkswagen new beetle--a bright orange bug. It has the fake orange flower in the little vase by the steering wheel and everything, a total girlie car! After she passed we took over payments and my 17 year old daughter was supposed to drive it, but it's a manual transmission that I can't seem to find the time to teach her (of course I don't really want to).

It is a fun, impractical and turbo charged car. We've named it Zippy Naranja because it is orange (the Spanish word for orange is supposed to add an exotic flair) and Zippy because well it is quite zippy! It is a car to be noticed in--I used to prefer to be understated while driving, but not anymore.  I see people giving each other slugs as I drive by. Many mornings as I drive my other daughter to junior high I pass these two adorable girls with long red hair that must be twins, and I watch to see who slugs who as I drive by.

I've had several elderly ladies stop me as I've parked and ask if I like to drive it. I tell them that I love it--they look at it longingly and them tell me how much they hate to park their SUV's and then one even sighed. At a stop light in Logan, Utah I had a little boy who was probably 8 lean out his window and tell me, "I love your car." Then just two weeks ago a little girl stopped by it and say to her mom, "I want a car like this." When I stopped to unlock it she said to me, "Do you like your car." Of course I said "yes."

Every experience I've had reminds me of Amy. Even her car brought joy to people even though it is so impractical. It is terrible in the snow, it hardly fits two comfortably (and I am a mother of 5), the windows don't like to roll up, but they love to roll down. It is made for little people, I have a hard time fitting my groceries in it let alone me bum!  Yet, I find myself not encouraging my daughter to learn how to drive it--let her have the mini-van--it keeps her humble.

I was sad when I realized in December that the car no longer smelled like Amy. Then just this week when it was finally warm I got in the car and the smell was there. Amy was still there. I've kept most of her radio pre-sets (I had to add NPR) and I can't seem to throw out this one particularly Amy-like frosted pink lip gloss in the arm rest.

The car is full of contradictions, and so was Amy. She was a tragedy and a triumph. She'd had problems but had been sober for three years. She battled anorexia until the end. She brought happiness and frustration to all who loved her. She was fastidious and careless. Just before she passed she had the flu and my wonderful mother-in-law had been with her all evening trying to keep her hydrated and get her to go to the Emergency Room. She refused to go and later that night Amy passed away.

Because she was alone when she died an autopsy was required.  All they could say was that she died of natural causes. No specific thing, just a tired body.  She was a couple of years younger than me, but her body wasn't. It seems like such a waste of joy to have her gone, but it also seems such a triumph that she overcame so much.

Well, I like to think she is still spreading the joy in her little orange Volkswagen even if it does have a new driver.

What to make after 18 inches of snow? Chili Con Carne!

Yesterday I woke up to 18 inches of snow. Winter obviously does not want to release its icy grip and so I needed some comfort food. I decided it was time to share with you the recipe I cook the very most from my grandma's cookbook.  It is "Best Ever Chili." I love it because it is easy, yummy and just a little different than other chili recipes.
But first, earlier in the cookbook she gives a recipe for chili con carne. Here is exactly what the recipe title looks like--Chile Con Carne (with corn bread--serves 6). There is a great recipe for the corn bread that is cooked using "corn-stick" pans. (I had to look this up -- see the picture to the left.) But this is not the funny thing--then she just says open a can of chili and spoon it over the corn sticks. Homemade bread--canned chili! That is the contradiction of this book -- some of the recipes are quite difficult and extra yummy and they sit side by side all sorts of convenience recipes. Nice to know that we may all have our little inconsistencies and so we should just celebrate them. Go canned chili!

Below is her great and from scratch recipe for chili.


Best Ever Chili

3 c chili beans (These are the dried variety set to soak overnight. You may of course use canned chili beans they are certainly easier and often have better texture. I went to the internet for this conversion--3 cups of dry chili beans = 9 cups of beans after soaking and boiling. There are 1.5 cups beans per 15 ounce can. So you would need 6--15 ounce cans. Is that clear or just more cloudy? I have a link on how to hydrate beans below in the directions.)
2 bay leaves
2 pounds ground beef
4 onions, chopped
1 bud garlic, minced (I use at least 4)
1 quart canned tomatoes
1 T chili powder
1 T cumin
1 T salt
***1/2 t curry powder (You may think this is weird, but it makes the chili. Although when I make this I usually only use 1/4 t curry powder and I think it is just enough of the flavor without saying --oh my heck this chili has curry powder in it!)
Cayenne pepper to taste


Wash chili beans, put in kettle (isn't that just cute "kettle!") with 6 cups water and the bay leaves. Boil until tender.  (Here is a link on the process if you need a little help like I do: "Preparing Dried Beans" The link says to use 3 times the water, so it would be 9 cups of water not 6.)

Boiled beans and the rest before mixing.

Fry meat, onions, and garlic until brown. Add to drained beans with remaining ingredients. Simmer for about an hour.

All mixed and after an hour of simmering -- Yum.

With all the fixings and ready to eat. Nothing better on a cold and snowy day.

Birthday Joy

My daughters did make me this adorable
and very yummy cake though!

I had  a panic attack the night before my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I realized I was going to be half of 88 years old and there was no way that I could claim NOT to be middle aged any more.

Then I started to worry that I hadn't done enough with the first 44 years. All those wasted hours of television, iffy novels, and sleeping. Then I had a terrible thought--the next 44 years could be worse. Harder things could happen (really isn't that inevitable after all).

I better stop writing; I'm working up to another attack.

I couldn't sleep all night and ended up watching HGTV re-runs deep into the morning.  Strange existential crisis.

Happy Birthday to me--and a nice cheery post to you!

In a culinary rut? Try salad burgers!

My grandma's cookbook, Of Food and Thought, begins with January. The sub-headings are "Think Up New Project," "Wheat for Man," "Fun to Get Up in the Morning," "Let's Turn Over a New Leaf," "There is a Silver Lining," and "Quicker by the Dozen."

I've thought up a new project (borrowing heavily from grandma). Check! I made wheat for man--which I will share with you another day. Check!   I never find it fun to get up. No Check!  I've turned over a new leaf and found dirt below (I guess I need to start digging).  Check!  I'm looking for the silver lining but let's just leave it at that--after all nothing really is shiny in an inversion. No Check!  I am looking and I have yet to crack the code of quicker by the dozen.  Maybe in February. No Check!   This paragraph is a little depressing--sorry--I find the cookbook inspiring, tender, and most of all, intimidating.

Here's a sample of how I feel inadequate from January's chapter:

"Fun and nourishing lunch bag ideas:

1.  Chopped meat turn-overs in place of sandwiches
2.  Chopped peanuts added to ground ham and salad dressing for a nourishing sandwich filling.
3.  Dates stuffed with creamed cheese.
4.  Graham crackers put together with creamed cheese.
5.  Dried fruit, dampened and rolled in powdered sugar.
6.  Corned beef sandwich. Break the corned beef into pieces and combine with pickle relish, prepared mustard, and mayonnaise.  Season to taste and spread on rye bread.
7.  Spiced apple cider or apple juice--good with ham on rye.
8.  Thinly slice the top of hamburger buns.  Scoop out the center, butter, toast lightly.  Fill with egg salad and sprinkle with minced chives. Cover with top of bun.
9.  Sandwich made with three parts salted peanuts and 1 part carrot put through the grinder. Spread on graham bread. (What is graham bread?)
10. Scoop out the core of an apple and fill with chopped raisins."

Did I mention this cookbook came out in 1965? Before the feminist revolution!  Lunch at my house is make your own or eat at school.

For January grandma has 36 recipes.  This does not include the 40 or so mini recipes she throws in like the ones above or a fun new idea for supper--"Pancakes can be used for dinner as well as for breakfast.  Try them some night with creamed salmon over them and a crisp salad on the side." Somethings are better left untried! She has lists to liven up breakfast and after school snacks. I have to admit she is a little bit daunting. Breakfast at my house (similar to my lunch philosophy) is peanut butter toast or cereal, period--where my motto is everyone fends for themselves. 

 I remember thinking when my twins were about two and poked their darling heads up next to my bed at 6AM every single morning saying, "I want to eat," that I could not wait to teach them how to pour milk. Which I did as soon as they were strong enough to hold a one gallon milk jug. I am often, a do the simplest thing kind of woman, not the make anything extra type. So, reading my grandma's book is good for me! Right? 

So I studied the recipes to find one outside my comfort zone, as well as my family's, and had a brilliant idea, Salad Burgers!

Grandma said, "High protein salads contain eggs, meat, fish, cheese, or gelatin and may become the piece de resistance of the meal."

Salad Burgers

Makes 10 rolls

1/4 lb grated cheese

3 sliced hard-cooked eggs

1 can tuna

2 T chopped green pepper

2 T chopped onion

2 T chopped stuffed olives

2 T chopped sweet pickles (my family would have revolted at this so I used dill)

1/2 c mayonnaise

(I love ingredient pictures, I just think each individual food is so beautiful, just by itself!)

Mix all the ingredients.

Cut 10 wiener rolls (hot dog buns for those of us who don't like saying the word wiener).

Spread salad on rolls.

 Wrap each roll in aluminum foil and bake for 30 minutes in a 250 degree F oven.

That's a lot of foil. 

Unwrap and eat.

Now for my turn--I think this could actually be good, but no one in my family  liked them because the buns got soggy! Yuck! Even I, who can for all intents and purposes eat anything--seriously anything (except cow liver), did not like this. I got about 3/4th the way through one. I made my son try it and he gagged--yes it's true, but he also gags on yummy food so I'm not sure it's a definitive judgement. 


Honestly, forget the tin foil. Toast the buns, put on the spread, then broil. It would make a yummy and festive tuna melt--If you like that sort of thing.

Poor Man's Fruit Cake - The fruit cake that brought me to tears (actually to weeping)!

I saved "Poor Man's Fruit Cake" for January with two reasons in mind. First, how fitting is that a fruit cake for January is called Poor Man's. Second, by the end of December I was really tired!!! So, I thought I'll do it the first week of January, then the second and so on and so on. Here we are the last day of January and I finally finished my fruit cake odyssey.

Everything was going really well. It was an easy recipe and since it had no candied fruit in it I thought it had a good chance of being my favorite. So yesterday, Sunday afternoon, my family wanted to go for a little ride to get out of the gloomy inversion, but I had to stay home because the recipe calls for 1 1/2 hours of baking. I put two loaves in the oven--one was a little over full so I knew to watch them because they would finish at different times. I was being extra careful because I wanted to give one to my Dad for his birthday that day--he just loves fruit cake. The first loaf finishes--and I thought--c'est magnifique! I had created a beautiful, golden brown, shiny fruit cake. It had little scalloped edges from the pan it was baked in--it was a cutie patootie!  I knew the second one would not be as beautiful--it was a little bloated on top and wouldn't have that perfect curve that is so important in quick breads. I also thought it might get a little too brown before it finished baking inside. Not to worry I at least had one perfect loaf to give!

I take it out of the pan to cool and go into my bedroom to rest for 10 minutes (who wouldn't need to rest after plumping raisins etc!). My family arrives home and I hear them talking happily in the kitchen. I ignore my exhaustion and go to greet them.  They were huddled around the carcass of my beautiful fruit cake as they ate and hacked at it. Not a slice or plate in sight, just eating where they stood. They looked at me and said something like, "slurp, slurp, gobble, gobble, yum, smack, lick."

My baby--they were eating my baby. They looked like dingos eating my baby! I exploded and started to weep. This is not an exaggeration--I was weeping over my little perfect cake--for about a half an hour. I tried to explain to myself and them why, I stuttered, "I stayed home to make this, It was for my aged father, Didn't you see how perfect it was? I take pictures of my food now before we eat it you know! Who eats like this--what are you savages?" They looked at me like I was from outer space and vacated the kitchen. I then took the carcass and was able to slice up half of it and take a picture for the blog. Alas, my father had to make due with the slightly bloated, a little too brown, excuse for a fruit cake that then emerged from the oven.

Once you weep over a fruit cake you really have had the complete fruit cake experience and probably shouldn't make any more for at least another 11 months.

Here's what my grandmother says about "Poor Man's Fruit Cake." "When you make such a rich cake, it is always good to make a poor man's cake for the children to enjoy during the holidays."

This cake is much healthier than the others - with less fat and sugar. It has a ton of raisins and currants and some nuts. It is yummy though and also a much easier recipe.

It has one funny ingredient 2 teaspoons of cocoa, and I honestly think it is just to give it a darker color so it looks richer than it is! Although I do think the cocoa does add a bit to the flavor profile.

Poor Man's Fruit Cake

1 cup seedless raising
1 package currants (still don't know exact amount, I found a box at the supermarket and used that.)
3 cups water
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup butter (grandma calls for shortening, but I hate shortening and only use it if I'm scared butter won't give the right texture after baking.  Butter just tastes so much better to me and it worked great in this recipe.)

Put all ingredients in a sauce pan and cook for 15 minutes.  Cool to lukewarm.
This was really yummy smelling! Can't you just smell it -- buttery, sugary, plumpy raisins.

4 c sifted flour (remember I never sift)
1 t salt
2 t cinnamon
2 t nutmeg
2 t cocoa
1 1/2 t soda
1 t boiling water
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup broken walnuts

(A lot less ingredients than the previous cakes) 

Beat the eggs well, add the soda that has been dissolved in the 1 teaspoon boiling water. (Still don't know why we put the soda in boiling water.) Fold in the sifted dry ingredients alternately with the cooked fruit and liquid.  (I just poured the dry ingredients over the wet and folded away).  Fold in the walnuts.

Line the pans with waxed paper and grease them well. (I just greased my pans and it came out fine--it was a risk though.) Bake in 300 degrees F. oven for about an hour and a half. Place pan of a water on lower shelf of oven while baking the cake.  This amount will make 2 regular sized loaf pans and one small one. (For some reason I totally missed putting water on lower shelf and the part about it making a 3rd smaller loaf. I better start reading through the recipes better. No wonder my second loaf was bloated!)


Here are the 4 and 1/2 slices I had left after the vultures vacated the kitchen. If you like raisins it is very YUM!

Emergency Fruit Cake - The No-Bake Variety

Here is the third recipe for fruit cake in my Grandmother's book. It is quick and easy -- has less fat, but loads of sugar. (That kind of sounds like butt loads of sugar - it has that too. Don't tell my grandmother I said butt loads--that is very vulgar.)

I am going to quote my Grandmother because I just love what she says, "Between a busy Christmas and New Year it is easy to run out of fruit cakes baked in November, and this no-bake fruit cake can be easily made to fill this void."  So I know you are all running out of fruit cakes right about now! So here goes an easy and fun version.

This reminds me a bit of Rice Crispy Treats, but made extra Christmassy by having graham crackers as the binding agent and of course lots of nuts and fruit!

No-Bake Fruit Cake

1 pound marshmallows
3/4 cup scalded milk
1 pound nuts (I used pecans)
1 pound of candied fruit (I only did a 1/2 pound - at husband's request)
1/2 pound currants (My addition to make up for lack of candied fruit)
1 pound of dates cut into pieces (I used the food processor)
1 pint bottle of maraschino cherries
1 pound graham cracker crumbs (Once again the handy dandy  food processor)

Melt marshmallows in scalded milk.  I also had a low heat on under the pan to melt them a little faster.

Mix all dry ingredients together.

Combine marshmallows and dry ingredient together in a large bowl. Then pour into bread tins. I just poured it into a large casserole dish because I wanted to cut it into stars.  It was so sticky that I had to use wax paper to get it at an even level.

This is the best part, my grandmother said to cover with foil and then let it RIPEN in the refrigerator.  RIPEN. I put it next to the Diet Coke so that it felt comforted as I do when I know Diet Coke is in the fridge.

I assumed it was ripe this morning so I cut it into stars.  I had to put this picture in again, because it is just so dang cute and very, very sticky! Only one more fruit cake recipe to go!

Hostess Fruit Cake -- The low of the season!

You make think that I've exhausted the whole fruitcake angle, but no, I have not! At a white elephant party last week I actually stole this 1 pound Hostess Fruitcake.

I stole it for several reasons:

1. I had never seen one before.

2. I currently have a strange and not altogether healthy obsession with fruit cake.

3. It was small 8 x 2 inches but quite dense at a pound.

4. I have enjoyed many a Hostess treat in the past.

5. I LOOKED AT THE NUTRITIONAL LABEL

I know it is unreadable here but here's the list:

1. 420 Calories per serving

2. 4 serving per package.

3. So every 2 inches has 420 calories for a whopping 1680 calories per package.

4. 72 g carbohydrates per serving

5. 12 g of fat per serving

6.  It says it expires on Feb 15, but doesn't give a year -- highly suspicious.

It sounds like that white paste stuff that you put in a 72 hour kit to keep you alive while help is on the way.

Well I ate a small bite.

A very small bite -- see that little bit gone from the bottom right hand corner. It was the worst thing I have ever tasted and I am an equal opportunity food eater--I'll try anything! It took a Coke Zero and a Tab to erase the taste. Too bad I don't have the ability to erase the memory. Was that too harsh?

(I have nothing against Hostess personally--but stick to Hostess Cupcakes!!)