Monday, May 25, 2009

Study of a Female Mid-Life Crisis

I'm pretty sure I'm having a mid life crisis--or the other alternative is I am just losing my mind! It's been going on for weeks but has suddenly gone from the realm of cute and quirky to pathological and scary.

In one 36 hour period I did three things.

1. We have a schedule for Sharing Time in Primary. Each member of the Primary Presidency has a week and then a class does a week. I talk to my 2nd Counselor and she tells me she's going to be gone a certain Sunday. I say fine, but it niggles at my brain. She just told me she would be gone on the 3rd week and that is HER week. I realize this on Saturday. I call her and she is surprised and says she thought she was the next week. I magnanimously say I will do it for her. The next day I go in and set up early and the wonderful Primary Secretary looks at me setting up and said, "Isn't it my week?"

(I'd changed it myself because of scheduling conflicts with Memorial Day.)

2. That same Sunday night I have a Senior Recital of a darling young woman I am quite excited to see. I check the invitation before I dash out the door and confirm to myself that it is at 7:30. I think, "That seems late for a recital." I was glad because then I could spend more time with my extended family at Sunday Dinner.

When I get to Sunday Dinner I find my darling niece is also going to the recital. She tells me it is at 7. I say "No, I just looked at the invitation and it said 7:30." She calls her friends and they plan to meet there at 7:30. This time I do have doubts--the mornings shenanigans still stinging, but I'm pretty sure. We leave a little early just in case and only miss the first 3 of the 6 pieces she is playing. My nieces friends come in to see the bow!

I go home and pick up the invitation--yep it says 7:00pm

3. Picture 6:45 am the next morning. I roll out of bed to check the Jr. High carpool schedule. I put my finger up to the date, then slide it over to the name--looks like Eden to me, it must be my turn for carpool. I shower and drive down to the first pick-up when my very dependable friend and co-carpool driver slides up next to me in her sleek enviro-friendly SUV and says, "Eden I think it's my turn for carpool."

I do not even question her and watch as my daughter enters her car and they drive away. I go home and yep it says her name next to the date.

This is disturbing in three ways:

A. I am checking and re-checking and actually seeing the wrong information. I am not just thinking a time, I am checking.

B. I am leading others away in my deluded certainty.

C. My Dad used to call me "often wrong but never in doubt." Alas, now I must admit it is "always wrong and beginning to doubt."

How come mid-life crisis for Men is fun. At least it's fun for them and horrible for everyone else except the mistress and car dealer. There still remarkably good looking--maybe even better looking than they've ever been, they're in their peak earning period. Seriously what excuse do they even have to actually be in crisis? I guess they suddenly feel life slipping, their body starts to change and they experience the knowledge of mortality. Things I understood after I had my first baby at 24 years of age.

My mid-life crisis is caused by the realization that I am too small for my life. I don't have enough energy, ability or brain power to do all I should do--or even have to do. If you have any answers beside running through the streets screaming let me know!

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