The Circus Leaves Town

My two college aged girls leave again this week. One heads off to Manhattan and the other to an internship in Washington D.C. These two rushed into my life 19 and ¾ years ago like a hurricane. (Sorry—I know I’ve written of this before.) I was 23, had been married a year and thought I was ready to have a child. It sounds so impossibly young now. My sister-in-law had just had twins and I remember thinking, “I could never do that.” I wasn’t one who had ever fantasized about having twins; I’d hardly even fantasized about children.

I had a good job and had worked out a way that I could work part-time from home—and then the fates laughed and laughed. I was so sick at 7 weeks the doctor made me come in and then for some reason decided I had to have an ultrasound and there they were—two little fish! Twins! I had hysterical giggling fits all the way home, between waves of wrenching nausea. In one second everything changed. At 7 months I was put on bed rest—it wasn’t scary it was just a precaution. I wrote in my journal, padded around the apartment, read a ton, and watched soap operas with the sound off. They are quite entertaining that way, with all the gesticulating and such. It was actually quite a lovely, quiet time.

Then the time came for them to be born. I went to the doctor, he started an epidural and everything went smoothly until it took way too long for Baby A to be born. She decided to approach life ear first, the doctor had to use forceps and she was this bruised little butterfly. Then after another hour or so of labor Baby B just decided to relax and NOT join us at all. I ended up with a c-section. She was this perfect little butterfly. I loved it all—what a way to experience everything all in one go.

Anyway after the quite of pregnancy came these two beautiful, high strung, colicky, movers and shakers—I felt like I’d run 90 mph into a brick wall. The circus came to town baby! It was time to strap yourself in and enjoy the ride. It’s been joy and noise ever since. They’ve had this super sense of what is right and wrong from the day they were born; they see life with more clarity than I ever have, but on everything else they are polar opposites. I’ve never been able to tell them what to do and boy oh boy have I tried. (We’re all a little strong willed.)

It’s nice to see them get ready for their adventures. I like the thought of them both being in the east together. The house will be quiet, the other three children will be able to talk again and there will be fewer dishes. It’s a little like when we moved from living on a busy road to a bedroom community in Bountiful. Everything was peaceful and quiet, but I felt like I was missing out on something.

I feel the same this week as I felt when they walked into pre-school at 3 years old. Have I taught them everything they need to know? Are they prepared for what’s out there? Probably not—but that’s all a part of the adventure. Like the day they were born they will do it in their own style, their own pace and that will be the right way.